Naruto Potter Trilogy :1: We Are Sooooo Not Going!
by Mini-Chobi
Summary: A NarutoHarry Potter Crossover Trilogy! The Naruto gang is asked to go to Hogwarts! But they... flatout refuse. Every single one of them. And so Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Neville come to persuade them! Will they suceed? R&R!
1. I refuse this mission!

"So... what's this mission again?" asked Shikamaru for the upteemth time.

Tsunade groaned. "You guys, I don't have to list everyone, do I-?"

"Naruto... who is hyperactive and troublesome... Sasuke... who recently returned from no-man's-land, hip hip hurray... Sakura... who's a bit-"

"Shikamaru! Please, just the names if you just simply HAVE to name everyone!" said Tsunade, cutting Shikamaru off before he could complete saying the B-word, and who was fighting the urge to punch the young Jounin through a wall.

"Why the Sand Siblings too?" Shikamaru challenged. "Aren't Teams Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma and Gai enough?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Just because."

"Is it that Temari girl?"

"No..."

"I knew it!" crowed Tsunade, reveling in her momentary triumph as Shikamaru blushed beet red. "You always sucked at lying Shikamaru. The answer to your question is because they were requested as well. But that's irrelevant. Here. again, are the mission outlines.The 16 of you-"

"16? You said 15 before," pointed out Shikamaru. It was now officially a game of finding flaws in the stories.

"I just remembered. You'll understand eventually. Anyway, the 16 of you are to attend this school called Hogwarts. It is a school that trains witches and wizards. You are to stay and protect this school all year and the next -until you're 17 and the Potter boy leaves school-."

"The potter boy?" drawled Shikamaru. "You never really mentioned a potter boy. What does this school do besides Witchcraft and Wizardry? How does pottery fit in there? And why is this potter boy so important?"

"You-clever remarks-I-you!" sputtered Tsunade. "Not the potter boy as in a boy that makes pottery! Potter as in a last name! how many times do I have to say that!?"

"Oh. You should've mentioned that all those other times," said Shikamaru mildly.

Tsunade sighed. "Your main goal is to protect the Potter boy, whose first name is Harry. Harry Potter. He, too, is 16 right now. So you'll get along fine.

"This Hogwarts has four houses, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Huffepuff and Slytherin. Each house has its distinctive features, and the 15 of you will be sorted into these houses to equally be able to patrol the common rooms and such.

"Some aspects in the wizarding world that are different from the ninja world are-."

"Wait."

"What now?" Tsunade was getting seriously pissed off. Why couldn't the intellect just stop interrupting and LISTEN for once??!

"I don't want to know about something I won't do," said Shikamaru, turning to the door. "And you said the 15 of us should get sorted. But before you said 16. Make up your mind, Hokage-sama. How troublesome..."

With that, Shikamaru left.

Tsunade put her head on her desk. Maybe she should talk to the other people that were asked to be on this mission, perhaps she would get along better with them. For now, Tsunade was going to sleep on it.

And sleep she did - drooling all over the paperwork in the process.

* * *

**Yes, I tweaked this chapter. I hated the first ending. It seemed okay at the time, but now... (cringe)**


	2. Here's your help, Tsunade

I'M SERIOUSLY PISSED RIGHT NOW! The stupid YTV ppl now only broadcasts Naruto in the dead of night at 2:00am and my parents are the kind of freaks that don't like their children (CHILDREN? DO THEY FUCKIN' KNOW MY AGE?) sleeping 'late'. Seesh. It's SATURDAY tomorrow for kami-sama's sake!

Thanks for asking to be the editor. I'm sorry I didn't get the time to send this to you before posting it. Chp.3. I PROMISE.

-------- On with it --------

Tsunade slumped back in her chair. Is was no use. She had talked to everyone about this new mission, but either some alien dude came in and altered their minds to make them all think alike, or Shikamaru got to everyone before she did. Your guess...?

Now what? That man with the weird silver hair and long purple cloak said that he would be coming tonight to collect the ninjas. How was Tsunade to explain this to him -what was his name, Albus?- now?

"Unsuccessful, I presume. Am I not correct?"

Tsunade groaned. Speak of the devil!

"Do you see any other people here? I really shouldn't have spoken to Shikamaru first..." Tsunade muttered, picking up a half-full sake bottle and downing it in one. "I never imagined that the genius would be so much trouble..."

Dumbledore chuckled and stepped aside to reveal 6 people behind him.

"Perhaps you would like some help?" he asked, gesturing towards the 6 figures.

"Sure," said Tsunade, slightly amused.

She studied the 6 people in front of her. Three girls, three boys. One girl had a far-away look in her eyes and was looking up at the ceiling as though she didn't notice anything. The second and third girls looked much more ethusiastic, one with bushy brown hair and the other with red hair and freckles. There was also a boy that looked like the red-haired girl. This boy was tall and gangly, towering over the other two boys. The last two boys both had dark hair. One was a little on the round side, and the other was as skinny as a stick. The skinny one's hair was... messy, for lack of a better word, and on his forehead, barely visible under the wild fringe, was a small lightning-shaped scar. Tsunade didn't take too much notice of the boy's scar. After all, just the bottom half of Kankurou's 14-year-old face would put it to shame.Plus, this was the ninja world -scars and symbols on people's faces in different shapes and sizes were abundant.

"And, these are?" asked Tsunade, gulping down some sake.

"Self-introduction, now," said Dumbledore.

The girl with the bushy brown hair stepped forward, and held out her hand.

"_My_ name is Hermione Granger," she said, "That's Hermione for the first name, and I DON'T think ANY genius will be able to out-talk my logic. So I'll help you talk to this Sheep-a-taru you've mentioned."

"Nice to meet you,Hermione-chan. What a pretty name.Mine's Tsunade, the genius's is Shikamaru," said Tsunade, ignoring Hermione's hand. "Next!"

The dreamy-looking girl stepped up, while Hermione, looking slightly crest-fallen, stepped back.

"Hello," she said... well, dreamily. "I'm Luna. Luna Lovegood, and Hermione's the top student in our year..."

"Hello Luna, thank you for your information. It might come in handy" Tsunade nodded, thinking about Shikamaru's constant rants about women being troublesome and how he would react when some woman that had bushy brown hair tried to talk him into going to Hogwarts. She smiled, imagining the weirded-out look on his face. "Next."

The red-hairedgirl stepped forward as Luna retreated.

"Ginny Weasley," she said, smiling.

"Hello, you know my name," said Tsunade. "Next."

"Ronald Weasley. Ron for short," said the red-haired boy.

"Siblings. Got it. Next."

"Neville Longbottom."

"Thank you. And last but hopefully not least, what's your name?" asked Tsunade, indicating the boy that had yet to speak.

The boy looked rather stunned that she didn't know his name. But finally, he was able to talk.

"Harry Potter," he said, a little surprised.

The girl named Hermione frowned at Tsunade.

"Um, Ms. Tsunade?"

"Mm-hm? Oh, and Tsunade-san, if you would perfer."

"Tsunade-san," said Hermione. "Well, sorry for being so rude, but, don't you know Harry?"

"Haven't got the slightest clue," said Tsunade absent-mindly. "Now all of you, get up tomorrow, and I'll meet you at Ichiraku at noon. That way we'll see Naruto. Now, off to bed. Good-bye, all of you."

After standing for a moment or two, the six teens walked outside, leaving the headmaster with the Hokage.

Dumbledore turned to Tsunade and smiled.

"Good luck."

-----------------------------

I am pissed, I am pissed, I am pissed, I am PISSED, I am PISSED, I AM PISSED, _I AM PISSED_, **I AM FUCKING PISSED!**

**ARGH! STUPID YTV PPL! AND YES I'M CANADIAN TO ALL THE AMERICANS THAT ARE WONDERING WHY I DON'T WATCH NARUTO ON ADULTSWIM!**

Ok, I feel better n- OH! DON'T KID MYSELF, ME! I'M STILL PISSED LIKE HELL!

But still, R&R or I'll get SERIOUSLY pissed... although I am already. Hmmm... maybe I'll just download episodes...


	3. Hermione meets Shikamaru

Hi everyone! I'm here with Chapter 3! Sorry about the anger back in Chp.2. I've been away from Canada for a month (for vacation in HK) so my memory was sort of like 'blaugh' and I accidentally thought that Naruto was on at 10:30pm instead of 9:30pm. Sorry that I spazzed. I'm all OK now!

A little note to lil, my beta reader. I'm sorry I posted this before you got a reply to me, but I'm going camping for the whole next week, and I don't have a labtop... so... ya...

-------On with it--------

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna set out at 11:50 to get to the Ichiraku Ramen place. Dumbledore had given them a map of Konoha, but apparently, Neville had held the map upside down, so they ended up gong to the Hokage monument instead of Ichiraku's. So they had to hurry back to their starting point, right the map, and set out again. It took them 20 minutes to end up at the right destination, and by then, the ramen stand was empty except for Ayame, the ramen girl, and a Jounin with a toothpick in his mouth leaning on the counter. (wink, wink)

"Hello? My name's Harry, and these are my friends Hermion, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna,"said Harry. "I was wondering if you could help us, please?"

The Jounin with the toothpick turned to the source of the sound.

"You new around here? I noticed you running down from the monument in a frenzy," said the Jounin. "You could use a tour guide, though. Ichiraku isn't really a great tourist attration. Unless you're Naruto."

Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Ron looked at one another. Didn't Dumbledore mention the name Naruto? It was one of the people they were supposed to recruit, wasn't it?

"Excuse me, sir-" said Hermione.

"Genma. The name's Genma," said the Jounin.

"Sorry about that, Genma-san," continued Hermione. She was sooo grateful that she had immediately read up on Japanese honorifics the moment they had used the portkey to go back to camp. It would've been very disrespectful if she didn't know, and had called this person just plain 'Genma'. "Do you know this Naruto? We're looking for him, his friends, and the Hokage."

The Jounin's eyes narrowed. Didn't Kakashi say something about foreigners looking for the rookie nine and sand siblings?

"Not really," replied Genma."He's just really famous for causing mayhem and graffitying the monuments around here. He was a few years ago, anyway. And the Hokage was here. She just left a few minutes ago."

With that, Genma dissapeared with a puff of smoke. (Kakashi's trademark, I know...)

Hermione looked slightly taken aback.

"Um... well..." she said uncertainly.

"That Naruto person sounds like Peeves," commented Ginny.

"I agree," Luna said dreamily.

"We could get a bite to eat, Hermione," suggested Ron as he seated himself on one of the stools of the ramen stand.

They all seated themselves (Ginny and Luna had to share because there were only 5 stools... I think, anyway. I'm not sure) and ordered ramen. Their orders came a few minutes later, and they all began to eat. A few moments later, there was a little racket at the end of the street. They all turned towards the sound.

"I'm telling you, Chouji! You're going to land in the hospital AGAIN! You shouldn't eat so much!" a voice said.

"But, I'm hungry, Ino! Shikamaru! Back me up!" another voice defended.

"Chouji, I'm sorry, but we just ate half an hour ago at the BBQ buffet..." drawled a third.

"Shikamaru! How could you!" said the second voice.

"I'm sorry, geez! And I thought only women were troublesome!" the third voice.

"SHIKAMARU!" shrieked the first.

"Oh, great," muttered the third. "Now there's two people against me. Why did I get up today?"

Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville glanced at one another. Ino? Chouji? Shikamaru? Ginny immediatley whipped out a list of the people they were to recruit, and they all leaned in to scan the list. There were the names. Clear as day after Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno. Ino Yamanka, Chouji Akimichi and Shikamaru Nara.

They grinned. Maybe they would be able to recruit some people after all.

"Hermione?" asked Neville.

"I'm on it," she replied.

Hermione stood up as the three racketers rounded the corner and began walking down the street. There was a slim girl with her blonde hair in a bun, a chubby, round boy eating out of a jumbo chip bag, and a skinny, bored-looking boy with black hair in a high pony-tail that resembled a pineapple. She waited until they were almost at Ichiraku's, and walked out in front of them.

"Ahem."

The three stopped quarreling, and looked up, all looking a little surprised. After a moment, the blonde girl spoke up.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Hermione smiled sweetly.

"Hello," she started. "My name's Hermione Granger. What are yours?"

"I'm Ino," said the blonde.

"Chouji," said the chubby one while stuffing his face with chips.

"Shikamaru," the last one.

"Me and my friends-" Hermione motioned to Harry and the others, who promptly waved. "-are new around here. We were sent here to recruit some people-"

"Say no more," said Shikamaru. "You're looking for us, right?" he asked.

Hermione was a little taken aback.

"Well, yes."

"The answer's no."

"Pardon me?"

"No."

Hermione froze. She hadn't thought of them refusing. Now what?

"Could you..." she stuttered. "C-could you, give us a chance?"

Now the genius looked slightly amused.

"Give you a chance to what?" he asked. "Brainwash us?"

Chouji chuckled behind Shikamaru. Hermione felt herself flushing.

"Excuse me!" she said angrily. "I was just going to ask you to gather all of your friends, for a little conference today at 4:00! To let us say what we've got to say!"

"My friends?" asked Shikamaru, playing dumb. "Now who would those be?"

Hermione was now throughly exasperated. "Ginny, the list please..."

Ginny walked over and handed Hermione the list of people.

"Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, you three, Neji Hyuuga, Tenten, Rock Lee, Hinata Hyuuga, Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame, Gaara, Kankurou and Temari," Hermione read.

Shikamaru looked back at Chouji and Ino. "This is troublesome... you two going to go along with it?"

Ino and Chouji exchanged glances.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to hear what they've got to say..." said Ino thoughtfully.

"Fine. Chouji?"

"As long as there's food."

Shikamaru sweatdropped, and turned back to Hermione. "Fine," he said. "Prepare refreshmetns, and we'll be at the Hokage monument at 4 by the third's head. Get your presentation ready."

Shikamaru then side-stepped Hermione, and continued walking down the street, followed by Ino and Chouji, whom where arguing again.

Hermione turned helplessly to Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna.

"It's 12:30," said Harry.

"We've got 3 and a half hours to prepare a speech that is to persuade 15 people to come to Hogwarts," said Ron.

"And to prepare food for the same 15 people," added Ginny.

They all looked at one another, thinking the same thing.

_Shit..._

-----------------------------------------------------

So! How was Chp.3? For those that are reading my other fics, I'm sorry that I'm updating this one so much... I'll update the others ASAP... were any of the characters too OOC? Anything to help me improve, please!


	4. The Three Items!

**Hello! Due to the many reviews demanding that I update quicker, here is Chp.4! Hope you enjoy!**

**Oh, BTW, I'm sorry if this story takes longer to update than others. My Hotmail is screwed, and it won't send e-mails for a one day delay sometimes, disabling me to communicate with my beta reader, lil, quickly. Gomen-asai ppl!**

**And one more thing. I've just found out that Naruto isn't on Adultswim, but Toonami. Sorry, Americans! I'm Canadian, so I'm not really familiar with the channels in the US. '**

**OH OH OH! ANOTHER thing! The Rookie 9 is ALL 16! I'm too lazy to check out all their b-days, so... let's just pretend!

* * *

**

"They are so screwed!" laughed Naruto. "Only 3 more hours, and they have to come up with a speech! Not mentioning food for all of us, let alone Chouji!" 

"What's that supposed to mean, Naruto?" demanded Chouji. "Are you saying I eat too much?"

"Uh... no!" Naruto hurriedly said, grinning sheepishly. "I just meant that... um... you have a really healthy appetite!"

"Look who's talking, ramen-boy," teased Kiba. Akamaru barked in agreement.

Hinata, Ino and Sakura giggled as Naruto glared at Kiba, about to pound the dog lover into mince meat.

"Oh, please, you two," said Shikamaru. "You're so troublesome! Can you not pass a single day without arguing?"

They could see Shikamaru meant to scold them, but the smirk on his face said otherwise. Shortly after encountering that chipmunk of a girl, Team 10 had located the rest of the Rookie 9, Team Gai, and sent the Sand Siblings a message within half an hour. Currently, they were awaiting the three Sand-nin's and Team Gai's arrival, while laughing their heads off at the stupidity of this all.

"Hn, whatever," said Sasuke. His own smirk gave it away as well.

At that moment, Neji, Tenten and Lee walked over. Well, actually, Neji and Tenten walked over. Lee kind of... pounced over.

"YOSH! MY YOUTHFUL FRIENDS!" said Lee dramatically. "WE HAVE GOTTEN THE YOUTHFUL ITEMS THAT OUR YOUTHFUL CHUUNIN FLAME REQUESTED US TO!"

Roughly translated from 'youthful language', that would mean something along the lines of, "Hello, my friends! We've gotten the products Shikamaru here asked us to."

"You have?" asked Shikamaru.

Neji and Tenten simutaneously held up two plastic bags.

"Yes," replied Neji, handing the bag over to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru looked in the bag, and smiled. Handing out the contents of the plastic bag, Shikamaru explained to the shinobi what he had in mind. When he finished, even Shino and Sasuke had the corners of their mouths turned up slightly.

* * *

"Well, this is it..." Hermione siad nervously, glancing at her pile of parchment once again. "Ginny, Neville, did you two get the refreshments ready?" 

Ginny nodded, pointing to a table full of ramen, fruit, snacks and bowls of chips.

"Good," said Harry. "Ron, Luna. Did you guys get the chairs ready yet?"

"All clear," replied Ron, gesturing towards three rows of five chairs each that he and Luna had set up.

Don't ask me how a table full of food and fifteen chairs got up on the Hokage monument. They just did... let's just pretend that, shall we? One table full of food and fifteen chairs appeared on the Hokage monument. Right. You don't have to tell me I'm crazy. I know I am.

Keeping his word, the guy named Shikamaru showed up with 14 other people at 4:00. They chatted amongst themselves and sat down in the chairs.

Most of them anyway. A blonde and the fat-dude Chouji had rushed over to the refreshments table, digging their faces into the ramen and chips like hungry vultures that had just seen roadkill.

Hesitantly, Hermione stepped up before the assembled teens, and cleared her throat. After a moment, they became silent, even the pigs. Hermione could feel heat rising to her cheeks as she saw the 15 pairs of eyes homing in on her.

"W-well," she squeaked. "Hello! How about some icebreakers? I'm Hermione, and I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am 16 years old." Hermione was feeling a little more confident now that she had started.

"I'm Harry. 16, and I attend Hogwarts as well."  
"Ron. Same as above."  
"Neville. Same as Harry, Ron and Hermione."  
"Ginny. I'm 15, and I also attend Hogwarts."  
"My name is Luna Lovegood. I'm also 15 and I attend Hogwarts."

The 6 wizards and witches looked expectantly at the 15 people assembled in front of them.

"Um..." said Hermione finally. "What about you guys?"

The blonde that had pigged out at the ramen spoke up.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm 16, and the FUTURE HOKAGE!" he gushed, sending bits of noodle everywhere as he had grabbed a bowl of ramen from the table and was now eating it.

"I'm Haruno Sakura. 16 as well," said a pink-haired girl.

"Uchiha Sasuke. 16."  
"Rock Lee. 17!"  
"Hyuuga Neji. 17."  
"Tenten. 17 as well."  
"Yamanaka Ino. 16."  
"You know my name. 16." (Shikamaru)  
"Chouji. 16!"  
"H-Hyuuga Hinata. S-sixteen..."  
"Inuzuka Kiba! 16."  
"..."  
"He's Aburame Shino and he's 16 too!"  
"Temari. 19."  
"Kankurou. 18."  
"Sabaku no Gaara. 16."

"Well! We're all around the same age!" said Hermione. "We should get along pretty well... ANYWAY!..."

Hermione then started on a long, detailed speech the state of the Magical world right now, Hogwarts, spells, wands, pets and the like. As she rambled on and on, the Naruto gang got seriously bored.

"Shikamaru," whispered Neji.

Shikamaru turned around, rubbing his eye. "What, Neji? I was about to fall asleep..."

Neji chuckled. "Now?"

Shikamaru looked groggily around at his friends. Turning back to Neji, he shrugged, muttering a off-hand 'sure'. Pulling it out from one of the hidden pockets of his Chuunin vest, Shikamaru held in his hand what he had previously requested Team Gai to buy. Smirking,he waved the item around. The rest of the people got the message, and pulled out their own as well.

Gaara looked in distaste at the pair pink earmuffs that Shikamaru had handed out earlier. Apparently, since the Sand-nins had arrived later than everyone else, they were stuck with the kiddy colours no-one had wanted.

Glancing enviously around at the black, navy blue, red and green earmuffs everyone else had except for his sister, Temari, who had a pink pair like his, (he and Kankurou had argued over the last pair of red earmuffs. Most of the Leaf-nins had held Gaara back from killing Kankurou, thus enabling the elder brother to grab the earmuffs) Gaara pulled the mufflers over his head, where the pink clashed horribly with his red hair.

Item 1: Earmuffs

Naruto eagerly pulled out his second product from his weapons pouch.

Slipping the goggles over his head and red earmuffs, he adjusted it as he looked around at the other people. Naruto looked at the weird girl called Hermione pause, puzzled.

She was looking at them queerly, her face clearly saying 'what in the name of Hogwarts are they doing? Naruto turned away from the girl andgiggled when he saw Gaara's earmuffs, but was instantly silenced by a glare from Sasuke.

Item 2: Goggles

Shino pulled out the third and final item from inside his pocket. He twirled it in his right hand, the corner of his lips turned up the slightest bit.

Shino watched as the other shinobi pulled out their last item too. He decided to check out his teammates reactions to the product he held in his hand. Hinata was looking hesitantly at hers, wondering if she should really go along with this and actually use it.

Shino looked around at Kiba's general direction. He could see dog-boy with a big, goofy grin on his face. He was twirling his share of the item so fast between his fingers, Shino got a little dizzy watching him.

Not that good old Shino would ever admit it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Shino could see Lee holding his can of pepper spray in his hand, and staring at it in awe. Apparently, Lee had never set his eyes upon something like this before. Shino smirked. Will those crazy lunatics that called themselves magicans be weirded out!

They, the enemy,didn't know it was pepper spray. Shikamaru had ingeniusly told evveryone to peel off the labels or to cover them with black paper, so that no-one would possibly guess the contents of the can

Item 3: Pepper Spray

By now, Harry was panicking. Why did they put on earmuffs? Why the goggles? What were those black and silver cans? Whatever did they contain? WHY THE HELL WAS THAT SHIKAMARU GUY FREAKING SMIRKING? And now, so was that Neji dude, and the Kankurou person, and that Sasuke... and well... all of them were smirking!

Those smirks didn't look good to Harry. He knew those kinds of smirks a little too well. It was the smirk Malfoy always wore on his stupid face. Those types of smirks never meant any good to Harry.

Harry turned towards Ron and Hermione. Hermione had stopped talking and was asking the assembled 15 ninjas questions like 'what are you doing?' and 'what's with the goggles?'. Ron, however, looked pale. Ron knew that those guys could be mean if they wanted to. Even the shy Hinata girl and that Shikamaru looked like they had quite some fight in them.

Ginny and Neville had pretty much the same expression as Ron. Ginny was nervously scanning the 15 shinobi in front of her. Thebig dog that she had thought was actually quite adorable, now looked menacing.

Luna was... staring.

Just staring.

But Luna's staring didn't bother the ninjas in the slightest. Besides, the pepper spray was to be aimed at their eyes. Those great big starey orbs won't be staring for long. Shikamaru looked back at Neji, and he could tell Neji was thinking along the same lines as him.

These stupid, blabbering people... most probably they've never faced a bored group of 15 ninjas armed with pepper spray, have they?

The answer, (not) surprisingly, was... no, as they soon found out.

Sakura raised her hand and put out three fingers. She took down one, another one, and finally, after quivering slightly, her last finger came down, and the ninjas charged, spraying the magic-users like crazy.

* * *

**So... ya... how was the chapter? I'm sorry for the slow updates... but as you know, my Hotmail's screwed. (it's very very strange nowadays) At first I was actually just planning on making them wear earplugs and annoy the heck out of Hermione. **

**But then, as I started writing, I began thinking: 'What if they used... pepper spray on the Potter gang?' I decided that it was going to be funny, insultive, annoying and entertaining at the same time, so I used that idea.**

**Next Up! THE BATTLE OF NINJAS ARMED WITH PEPPER SPRAY AND THE MAGIC-USERS THAT DON'T HAVE A CLUE!**

**Later!**

**P.S. I'll be renaming my chapters. I've decided to let this be a more easy-going fic than the other two fics I plan to write for this trilogy. So Book 1 (this book) will be funny and light, and Book 2 will be funny, but darker at the end and middle. Finally, Book 3 will still have funnies, but a lot more dark stuff. What do you think? Review, please!**


	5. The Pepper Spray Assault! editd

Hello all! This is the un-edited version of Chapter 5! Enjoy! (I still have to match it up with the edited version. T.T My Hotmail realy is very very screwed up. wahhh...

* * *

Harry Potter had about a million thoughts in his head, but they were mostly centered on 'wtf have I gotten myself into?'.

Grappling in and out of his pockets for his wand with one hand and trying to fend off the pepper spray with his other, Harry was starting to panic. He could have sworn his wand was in his back jeans pocket a minute before. Where was it now?

"Looking for this?"

Harry whirled around and tried wiping his glasses with his hands. This proved impossible as his hands were as grubby as his glasses. Cursing under his breath, Harry yanked off his glasses and squinted at the speaker, kicking out behind him as he felt pepper spray dousing his back.

Standing there, with a grin on his face, was Kiba. In his raised left hand was Harry's wand.

"Give me that!" gasped Harry, wincing as Ino shrieked into his ear while Ron repeatedly told her 'Gerroff!' as she sprayed her can's contents down his shirt. "Now! Please!"

Harry wasn't sure how long he would last. In addition to pepper spray and coughing, that Lee could really kick some serious ass. Literally. Harry's behind stung like hell, and was still being brutally assaulted. And Neji had already stopped and was just standing there laughing his head off.

Kiba only laughed. "Man, you're stupid! We're ninjas, idiot! We could kill without hesitation! What makes you think I'll give you back your piece of wood?"

Harry opened his mouth to reply -big mistake. Pepper spray in his eyes and down his throat as Kiba pulled his right hand out from behind him and nailed Harry right in the face.

* * *

Hermione was ready to cry by now. Not only because of the pepper spray in her face, but because of the stupidity of this all. Harry was coughing/yelping some few feet off, and she wasn't sure if the hyperactive blonde boy in front of her would ever run out of pepper spray. 

Logically, he should. In reality, he doesn't seem to.

"Stop it! Stop it, please!" shrieked Hermione, her arms over her face.

"This is fun!" replied Naruto, spraying away to his heart's content. Hinata blushed beside him, raising the can and dousing a panic-stricken Neville as he raced by, pursuited by 3 or 4 other people.

Hermione had hoped that it wouldn't come to this. Coughing, she reached into her jacket pocket, but came out empty handed.

"What-?"

"Your wand, miss?" said Naruto mockingly.

Hermione's head snapped up, and she forced her eyes open. In the split second before Naruto jumped to spraying her face, Hermione saw her wand in his other hand. Sobbing, Hermione sank to her knees in defeat.

The tears relieved her eyes somewhat.

* * *

Ron couldn't stand the girl that had latched herself onto his back like a leech and was spraying her pepper spray down his back. If she had done all that quietly, then maybe it would've been alright for his ears, but noooo! She just has to scream and yell into his ear the whole way. 

"Gerroff, lady!"  
"Why?"  
"Are you always this persistent?"  
"You think?"  
"Just get off of me, alright!"  
"Why should I?"  
"Do you always answer questions with another question?"  
"What do you think? Did you notice that just now?"

"Oh, God help me!" screamed Ron, running around, hoping to shake Ino off. "Stop spraying it down my shirt!"

Ino giggled, looking over at Shikamaru, who was standing around passing her bottles of pepper spray when she ran out.He didn't want to inflict more physical pain on the poor guy -besides,he knew Ino's wrath. It could get pretty ugly.

Oh, by the way, Chouji, being too kind, had handed Ino his can of pepper spray and rushed off to the buffet table to check if he had missed any chips before.

Smiling broadly as Shikamaru handed her his own, and last, (she had used up hers and Chouji's already) can of pepper spray, Ino twirled Ron around, and emptied the whole can's content into his face.

Ino laughed as Ron hopped around, coughing and wailing for water and howling swear words at her. Like hell she cared.

"You said to spray somewhere else!"  
"Not my FACE, though, you bitch!"  
"Why you-!"  
"Ino, allow me."

Ino smiled, looking over at Shikamaru. She nodded, and stepped back.

Then, Ron got a punch in the head, leaving him sprawled, unconcious, at Shikamaru's feet.

* * *

"How does this compare to being Kazekage, Gaara?" asked annoying middle brother Kankurou. (sorry, I just think he's obnoxious... if he could only be nicer to little kids!) 

Gaara pondered this, his sand cloud supporting him and his siblings as they lazily followed the wailing, round-faced Neville.

"Much more stress-free," replied Gaara mildly as he aimed and fired another bit of pepper spray at Neville. The combination of pepper spray and running caused Neville to cough violently.

"This is actually pretty fun," remarked Temari as she copied her youngest brother's actions.

Kankurou looked over at his two siblings.

"Yup."

In front of them, Neville screamed as some of Gaara's sand enveloped him and brought him up to their level.

With evil smirks on their faces, the sand siblings simutaneously emptied their can's content -onto Neville's face.

Cough cough cough cough...

* * *

Ginny was cowering on the floor, holding Hermione's stand on which she had put her pieces of parchment (which were fluttering around on the floor) in front of her like a shield. A very thin shield, but a shield nonetheless. 

So far, Ginny had not suffered any serious damage. Of-course, Harry had accidentally stepped on her toes while he was hopping around, howling, but nothing worse had happened. She hadn't even been pepper-sprayed.

However, she could tell the others weren't enjoying the luck she was. Harry was yelping some few feet off with Kiba laughing at him, and Hermione was still sobbing on the floor. Her brother was unconcious, and Neville was screaming somewhere. Luna was no-where to be seen.

Shikamaru, Ino, Neji, Lee, Gaara, Temari and Hinata had returned to the chairs and were chatting happily amongst themselves. Naruto had rushed to the buffet table to aid Chouji in his hunt for chips and other edible stuff as soon as he had finished slurping up all the ramen. Kankurou had stayed behind to step on Neville.

"Alright now, Ginny," said a voice.

Ginny's head snapped up to the two people surrounding her. Shino, and Tenten. She nervously shielded her eyes with one of her hands in fear of being sprayed in the face.

"It's ok, we're not like that. We're just going to spray you with minimal amounts of pepper spray, to make it look like you've been hurt pretty bad -but you won't be," said Tenten, smiling. "Shino's also hating this pepper spray stuff as it could be pesticides, as we found out when a bug landed in the pepper spray fray."

Tenten then proceeded to spray Ginny's arms, legs, front, a little of her back, the ends of her hair and a small amount on her cheeks. Then Shino reached over to mess up Ginny's hair. They told her to fake some coughing and walked over to their chatting friends.

In the end, it looked like Ginny had been assaulted by big-time pepper-sprayers.

But she wasn't.

* * *

Rhino blitzo wigglefud syndrome. It's got to be that, Luna had long decided. The illness which caused victims to have irresistable urges to spray things onto people. Of-course, the two pearly-eyed ones must have fundamental discolouring too, and the ones with the huge appetites was clearly people in need of the cure for the dreaded disease, maestoso appleteez. (1) 

However, Luna had not much more than 5 seconds to register all this when Sasuke and Sakura had jumped to her side and covered her in pepper spray. She had run behind a big rock, but Sasuke and Sakura had chased right after her and continued their torture.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed. "Don't you just think this is so much fun?"

Sasuke looked over at Sakura. "Whatever."

Sakura grinned. This was perfect! No-one here to interrupt her in the proccess of getting Sasuke-kun to be her boyfriend! No fangirls, no Ino, no Naruto, no Kakashi-sensei, no anyone!

_I mean,** really**!_ _It's so **obvious** that he likes **me**! _thought Sakura, _He's just been too **busy** to confess his **undying** love for me! He **even** said **'Thank** you' to me once -that's a **lot**, since it came from **Sasuke**-kun!_ (2)

"Sasuke-kun, wanna go out tonight?" asked Sakura, doing her best to hide her giddiness. "I'm free! We could kiss, or go to a fancy resturaunt! Or we could just take a walk! Anything's fine with me."

"Or," said Sasuke acidly as he continued to spray Luna, "We can just stay away from each other."

"Oh," said Sakura. Maybe Sasuke-kun was just... um... really not used to people asking him outright like that! Yeah! She should be more subtle!

"Well, Naruto and I are going to eat dinner at the Ichiraku Ramen tonight... want to come along?" asked Sakura, lying. Duh.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You said you were free. Going to Ichiraku with Naruto is not considered free."

Sakura sighed. Sasuke-kun was too smart.

Between them, Luna had cast a sleeping spell, and was fast asleep, oblivious to the conversation between the two nins, and the coughing of her friends.

* * *

WOTO!eleventyone! It's finally up! (ff wont allow two exclamation marks together... :( Why?) 

I'm sorry about the really, really late update. I've been hooked up on Megatokyo... GO LARGO! Anyway... gomen-nasai, hope you enjoyed, R&R!

Oh, BTW, did you notice that the Naruto people got nicer and nicer? My friend came over, and she read it. She said, 'wow... they're evil! Even for ninja!' so I was just like, oops, and I made the people a little nicer.

(1) Remember Luna's crazy diseases that she and her father comes up with? Go pepto bismo! I was thinking about the commercial (you know, naseau, heartburn, upset stomache, indigestion, diarrhea! Yay, Pepto Bismo!) and viola! I came up with rhino blitzo wigglefud syndrome. VV007 for creativity, and 1337.

Fundamental discolouring was... random. Really. I was just like -eyes... discolouring duh, then um... cornea discolouring? nah... foundation! fund! fundamental discolouring! ya! Maestoso is actually Italian (piano anyway...) and means majestically or something. Appleteez came from 'appetite' mixed with the French pronounciation, and I just HAD to get 'apple' in there somewhere -not that I like apples that much. It just sounds funny.

(2) Have you ever noticed Sakura's english voice? It sux. Really. Not just suck, but suck suck, ya know? If this ever got written into a script and the person playing Sakura did... Sakura, it would sound like that with over-emphasis on the bold words.

Oh and the 'Thank you' part is referring to the time when Sasuke left Konoha, he thanked Sakura and then knocked her out.

-MC

P.S. Remember to check back in two days or so for the EDITED version.


	6. Tsunade's Wrath

After about 2 months of waiting, I bring you...

ANOTHER CHAPTER!

o Enjoy!

Note: Achillea, the reason you stated of them not taking the mission... this is all from the filler episodes, but they have a choice (somewhat) of taking the mission or not. If Tsunade ordered them to, that would be another matter. I'm not sure Shikamaru gave her any time to order him and his little minion friends around. (lol)

The way I've been writing the last few chapters, it sure seemed like they were Shikamaru's minions, huh? I'll try and change that now.

Oh yeah, editor Lil. Sorry, sorry, sorry. My e-mail is overflowing with junk. I have no patience for it.

* * *

Tsunade rubbed her temples. This was not working out. Not at all. 

After the magical folk had washed themselves off with some milk, (1) they had immediatly reported the abusive attack.

Tsunade was not exactly pleased.

There was a knock on the door.

"Hokage-sama?"

"Yes?"

Shizune appeared at the door, carrying Tonton. She smiled at Tsunade despite the elder woman's angered expression. The smile was strained, but was a smile nonetheless.

"You called for Aburame Shino, Hyuuga Hinata, and Tenten?" she said. "They're here. Would you like me to let them in now, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade sighed. "Might as well."

Shizune nodded and departed. A moment later, she returned with Shino, Hinata, and Tenten by her side.

"Do you wish me to stay, Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune, hand on the door, wanting to run whether Tsunade wished her to stay or not.

"No, Shizune," replied Tsunade, her hands balling into fists. "It's alright. You can go. Remember to alert the handy men though."

"A-alright, Tsunade-sama," squeaked Shizune, "I'll leave now..."

"Bway... bway..." oinked Tonton, scared as well at Tsunade's eyes. They were positively blazing.

A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Shino's face. This was not going to be very pretty.

Shizune fled.

"Shino, Hinata, and Tenten," said Tsunade, her voice strained. "Do you know why I've called you here first?"

"I'm not sure, Hokage-sama," replied Tenten.

"It's because you two don't fray my nerves as much as the others. Got that?" snapped Tsunade.

"Yes, Hokage-sama..." Hinata meeped.

"If you're calling us to talk about the pepper spray," Shino intervened, deciding to cut to the point, "we did not take very active roles in it."

"Active or not, you still took part in it!" barked Tsunade, slamming her fists into her desk, denting the surface. "Do you know how much the client is paying us? Do you know how much this will affect both Konohagakure and Sunagakure? Have you any idea how damaging this is to our reputation?"

"Could we stick to Konoha?" asked Shino, knowing that involving Sand would make the situation nosedive even more. "The Kazekage himself freely chose to do this."

"Alright," said Tsunade huffily. "So we'll stick to Konoha.What the hell were you THINKING?"

"We...err..." said Tenten uncertainly.

"Tell the truth..." snarled Tsunade, standing up slowly, "and I won't send you flying out the window."

"I'm sorry," Shino said before Tenten or Hinata could crack. "Telling the truth will be betraying a comrade's trust. We cannot do that."

Tenten stared. Shino was being uncharateristically straight-forward and talkative, leaving almost no lines for her or Hinata. Was he hanging around Kiba too much? God help us...

"So you choose to fly?" thundered Tsunade, anime viens popping up all over her head and fists.

"Shino-kun...!" croaked Hinata, eyes wide with terror at the look on Tsunade's face.

"Flying has always interested me -yes," said Shino.

"Well, I'm glad that flying interests you..." muttered Tsunade darkly, walking around to the back of the three ninja.

Silence.

"THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!"

All through the day, similair conversations popped up, and Konoha ninja were sent soaring through the shattered window of the Hokage tower.

* * *

By evening, Naruto was walking along, rubbing his ass. 

"Oh gee," sighed Kiba, who was riding Akamaru alongside Naruto, havng also received the same present from Tsunade. "The old hag really did it this time, huh?"

"Tsunade-obaa-chan can be so violent," muttered Naruto. "I used to like using Thousand Years of Pain..."

"I agree about the violent part," said Lee, who was hobbling along beside them.

"It might have been alright if she hadn't made kage buushins and made sure we landed on our sorry asses, and then beat us up some morethough," frowned Kiba, patting Akamaru. Akamaru stopped. "Hey you two, wanna come up on Akamaru?"

"Thank you, Kiba-kun," said Lee gratefully as he climbed onto Akamaru's back behind Kiba. (2)

"I'm never forgiving Tsunade," announced Naruto as he piled behind Lee.

Akamaru barked.

Kiba laughed and patted his dog's head.

"That's true, Akamaru," he mused as Akamaru started moving again.

One moment of silence.

"You know, I hate it when I don't understand what someone's saying," pouted Naruto.

Kiba chuckled as Lee nodded vigorously.

* * *

"Hermione, it still hurts," complained Ron, holding a boiled egg in his hand. 

Hermione frowned.

"That's strange," she said. "The effects of pepper spray usually go away in less than an hour. Also, we used milk."

"Hermione-" started Ron.

"It has definetly been over an hour," said Ginny, who was sitting beside the fireplace reading a book. "In fact, it's been two."

'Hermione, listen-"

"I'm starting to worry a bit," said Hermione, biting her lip. "Harry, Luna, Neville, your eyes sting anymore?"

"Hermione... I-"

"Shhh, Ron! Yes, Harry, Luna, Neville?"

"No, Hermione."  
"Not really."  
"Nope. Still a little itchy on my back though."  
"Neville, that's because there's a bug on your back."  
"Oh. ...OMG! Someone take it off!"

"Here," said Harry, leaning over and flicking the little black bug off. "There you go."

"Anyway, Hermione-"

"Then why...?"

"Hermione!"

"I wonder if the pepper spray had special properties...?" muttered Hermione, doing that weird thinking position were you cup one elbow with your hand and do a weird 'v' using the thumb and index of your other hand on your chin.

"Hermione...! Let-"

"Sh, Ron," said Hermione, doing a gesture that said 'talk to the hand'. "My train of thought is still going."

"Hermione," said Luna. "I think Ron wishes to say something."

"Wait, will you?" said Hermione, glaring.

"Hermione, let Ron speak," said Harry, frowning. "Maybe he knows something."

"Not until my train of thought is over!" insisted Hermione, stuffing her index fingers in her ears.

"You're being very stubborn here," Neville noted.

"Yeah," added Ginny. "My brother wants to talk."

"SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH!" squeaked Hermione.

They all sighed in deafeat and waited for Hermione to finish her train of thought. Ron wasn't so patient though.

"HERMIONE! LISTEN! IT'S NOT ABOUT MY EYES!" screamed Ron. "MY **HEAD** IS THE THING THAT'S STILL HURTING FROM THAT SHIKAMARU GUY!"

Silence.

"Oh. In that case, just keep rolling the egg." (3)

* * *

"Dude, Tenten and Hinata probably hate you now," commented Sasuke as he settled down painfully onto the bed. 

"I don't care," Shino.

"You're a trustworthy person, Shino," smiled Shikamaru, talking from his position on one of the two beany bags.

"Not one to easily succumb to threats, I suppose?" asked Neji, leaning on the wall and just chillaxing.

"No."

Neji walked over to a chair and plopped down in it, wincing slightly. He waved to the remaining beany bag.

"Sit down, Shino," said Neji. "Stop standing there like a wall of wood, or I'll start treating you like one."

Shino eyed the kunai between Neji's fingers, and hesitantly sat down.

Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow at Neji.

"What a way to tell a person to sit down, Neji," said Sasuke. "Very elegant."

"Thank you, Sasuke," replied Neji. "It's my room, you know."

"So, does anyone know why we four people, ranging from semi-antisocial to very very antisocial, are hanging around in Neji's bedroom?" asked Shikamaru randomly.

"I thought YOU'D know that," said Sasuke.

"So did I," added Neji. "It doesn't matter though, does it?"

Shikamaru thought for a moment.

"Nah," he finally concluded. "Tsunade-sama... she's one hell of a troublesome bitch."

"Hey, for once in my life I agree with Shikamaru," said Sasuke.

"I remember the time when she made me clean up her office just 'cause she didn't feel like ruining one of her nails..." recalled Neji.

"Bitch," spat Shikamaru bitterly.

"Once, she sent me on a mission to fetch a frog," supplied Sasuke. "A FROG. Naruto can SUMMON the damn frog for her!"

Shikamaru and Neji both sighed and began recounting the times which Tsunade had been evil or troublesome.

Shino simply listened to the conversation.

* * *

"You'd think she'd go easy on us, huh, Forehead Girl?" pouted Ino as she leaned on the counter of the Yamanaka Flower Shop. 

"I know, with me being her apprectice and everything," said Sakura, plucking some petals off of a flower.

"I hate Shino," declared Tenten randomly.

"Heh," said Ino. "What'd bug-boy do this time?"

"He was the one who made Tsunade-sama so freakin' mad at us!" Tenten told them.

"Oh," said Sakura. "Now I hate him too."

"Please, Shino-kun isn't like that..." said Hinata.

"Oh please, Hinata," scoffed Ino. "Here we are with black andblue asses, and you're sticking up for Shino?"

Tenten rolled her eyes.

"Ano..." muttered Hinata.

"ANYWAY," said Sakura. "Will we be thinking up our next move?"

"No," replied Ino. "That's really Shikamaru's job."

The four kunoichi sighed. Their butts really, really hurt...

* * *

Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou walked aimlessly around Konoha. Tsunade couldn't lay a finger on them, so they were ass-pain free and very oblivious to Tsunade. 

Which was more than what they could say for their big buddy beside them.

Gaara winced as Chouji shrieked and hid behind him after glimpsing the profile of a blond chick up ahead.

"Chouji," said Kankurou. "It's not Tsunade..."

Chouji sighed and retreated to his position between Gaara and Kankurou. Temari was up ahead buying some snacks for them at the sweet shop.

"How about this," said Gaara, who was getting tired of the big teen hiding behind him everytime he saw anyone remotely like Tsunade. "Let's sit down at the sweet shop, and keep sitting there until Chouji's calmed down..."

"Alright," shrugged Kankurou.

They caught up with Temari and sat down at a table.

"I was wondering, Chouji," Temari said randomly.

Chouji gulped. "Yes?"

"Why'd you keep following US around, of all people?" she asked.

Chouji stared. Then he remembered. These people were not as intelligent as Shikamaru! They couldn't analyse the reason he was tagging along with them!

"Oh!" he said cheerfully. "It's just because Tsunade-sama would never try to lay a finger on Gaara-sama! I thought I'd be relatively safe here- KYAAAA!"

At the last part, Chouji dove under the table.

Gaara sighed and peered down at the frightened teen under the table.

"What is it this time?" asked Gaara exasperately.

"It's those magical people!" mumbled Chouji, pointing at the street.

Gaara, Kankurou and Temari looked. Sure enough, the aforementioned people were walking down the street. Apparently, they were heading to the Hokage tower, the only building worth going to on that street. Or they could be...

"What if they come in here?" Kankurou asked.

Gaara considered.

"We kill them," he concluded.

Temari banged her head onto the table and pointed. The people had long since passed the shop.

"Chouji, we're safe now," Kankurou breathed a sigh of relief.

"We were always safe," Gaara pointed out. "What could they possibly do to us?"

"Come to think of it... yeah," Chouji said, emerging from under the table.

"Wow, you just noticed, Chouji," said Temari. "Anyway, what are we doing next?"

"I don't know," said Kankurou.

"I wasn't asking you, dim-wit!" snapped Temari in her oh-I-think-I'm-so-freaking-cool-cause-I-carry-a-huge-big-fan-around-with-me-all-the-time way. "Let me rephrase! GAARA, what's out next move on the twerps? Hmm?"

"Nothing now. We're going to our temporary home," said Gaara instantly, standing up. "It's past sundown."

"Alright," agreed Kankurou, who wasn't about to disagree with his bro ANYWAY.

"Ah well," said Temari, eyes lighting up, "I'll just phone Shikamaru-kun at home."

The Sand Sibs walked away down the street, bidding Chouji adieu.

A few moments later, Chouji realized he was alone.

"KYAAA!" he screamed. Chouji ran all the way home, went inside, slammed the door shut, locked it, ran upstairs, raced into his room, sat on his bed, and grabbed a pillow.

A few moments later, Chouji remembered what Temari had said. His eye twitched.

"Shikamaru'd never like a bitch like that..."

* * *

Sorry about the long wait! Poor dudes... Tsunade's freakin' ROUGH! 

(1) They say if you wash pepper spray with milk then it'll get better. I'unno.

(2) For anime readers: When Naruto comes back after training with Jiraiya, Akamaru grows so big that Kiba can ride on him. I can only assume that 2 years more that Akamaru can support at least 3 people.

(3) You're supposed to rub bruises with boiled eggs. It's supposed to help.

The end part with Chouji? That was my opinion. Seriously. I hate Temari. I am proud of that fact. I like Shika/Ino. Not Shika/Tem. It's unnatural. She's 3 years OLDER than him. OLDER.

MC


	7. Use of a Little Black Bug

**Here is my attempt to put in a picture:**

**Ok, didn't work. I was putting this: object width"425" height"350" param name"movie" value"http/ src"http/ type"application/x-shockwave-flash" width"425" height"350" /embed /object**

**in the HTML mode but apparently it didn't work. At all. Which sucks and could die.**

**I'm sincerely sorry for not updating AT ALL for so long... umm... if you kill me there'd never have any more chapters, as one of my reviewers noted, so... don't? Just... chloroform my dog? What am I saying because I don't even have a dog?**

**NOTE: I think people may have gotten confused. 'Kun' is not only a suffix for a guy that you like, but also for underclassmen and people like your friend's baby brother. When Lee called Kiba, Kiba-kun, he is merely referring to him as a friend that is a guy that is smaller than him that is not close enough of a friend that they can ditch the honorifics. Besides, Lee calls _Naruto_ 'Naruto-kun'.**

**BEWARE: Temari bashing (I really REALLY don't like her all that much)****

* * *

**

"Shikamaru, what should we do next?" whined Naruto.

"Well, what you can do next, Naruto, is shut up," retorted Shikamaru. Instantly everyone was like 'Oh-hoh... served...'

Pouting at this reaction as if he hadn't gotten it like a million gazillion times in his life, Naruto bowed his head dejectedly.

They were sitting at the Korean BBQ place that Shikamaru and Chouji often frequent, yes, ALL FIFTEEN of them, and where discussing their next move on the magic-users.

"Frankly, Shikamaru..." said Temari, sliding over JUST to be closer to the shadow mast4 as Shikamaru shifted away uneasily. "I'm very surprised that you haven't thought up of another thing. Aren 't you the almighty thinker of our group?"

"HOLD ON A SECOND!" screeched Naruto, pointing dramatically at Temari. "_OUR_ GROUP!? WHEN THE HELL DID YOU BECOME PART OF OUR GROUP!?"

Temari was stumped.

"Since when were we even a group?" asked Kiba.

"I don't know," said Naruto thoughtfully. "But no matter what, she's still not in it."

Temari glared at Naruto. "So who's in your little 'group'?" she seethed.

"Team 7, Team 8, Team 10, Team Gai, Gaara, and Kankurou," replied Naruto INSTANTLY.

"...what, so my brothers are in the little group thing, but I'M NOT!? WHY? Is it because I'm a GIRL, you sexists!? Or is it because I'm better than all of you and you guys have an inferiority complex!?" whined Temari.

"No. Gaara and Kankurou are just cool," smiled Naruto, giving the two aforementioned sand nins TWO BIG THUMBS UP!! YAY!! Then he turned back to Temari and patted her shoulder in a comforting way. "And you carry around a huge ass fan and... well, that's... just... NOT cool..."

"You're so CRUEL!" wailed Temari, sobbing and running away to the table next to them so she could cry and huff and puff and wallow in her self-pity in PEACE.

Once Temari was officially shunned, they all turned back to Shikamaru.

"But Temari DOES bring up a point," said Neji thoughtfully. "Why haven't you come up with another course of action?"

Shikamaru glared. "Am I always the one to do everything?"

"Of-COURSE you are!" replied Neji as if it was obvious. "Shino could probably think up of something, but he's too quiet to tell us anything, and I'd assume that the most he ever says in the whole trilogy will be in the last chapter... Sasuke just angsts way to much to think of anything else, except for killing his bro, but that would be grouped under 'angst' as well, so he basically just angsts too much... I'm... just not going to... Gaara and Kankurou... you KNOW they just won't... The girls -well, you can' really expect THEM to think about that stuff... and the rest are just idiots when it comes to strategy."

Shikamaru pouted. "I can't argue with THAT logic..."

He then turned to Shino.

"Have you gotten the data?"

Shino nodded, and retrieved a tiny black bug from his pocket.

And you know what? It knew exactly what had gone on with the magical folk for the last 5 days.

How did it know? Because it was the same little bug on Neville's back. You know, the one that was making Neville itch? It was the same one! Isn't that just splendid? Now Shino knows everything about the magical folk that could ever be collected in 5 days, and that's a lot since you could just read all the books in five days! Now THAT is truly splendid

And you know what's even MORE splendid? SHIKAMARU will know everything in a moment or two, and then he can make a PLAN using that information! AND THIS IS THE ULTIMATE!!! HE CAN MAKE EVERYONE ELSE_ CARRY OUT _THAT PLAN!!!

Oh, isn't that just SO splendid!?! Let's all cheer for the little black bug that made Neville itch!!

HIP HIP HURRAY! HIP HIP HURRAY!! HIP HIP _HURRAY_!!!

* * *

"Okay, so everyone... got it?" Shikamaru said. 

"Yeah!" replied Sakura in behalf of everyone. They then retreated from the huddle they were currently in and departed IN PAIRS. And since Temari had long since disappeared, there were 14, and -golly gee!!- they COULD be in pairs!!

* * *

**WITH TEMARI**

Well, Temari's still depressed. She went to the Hokage monument to cry her eyeballs out where NO-ONE could see her.

* * *

**WITH SHIKAMARU AND INO**

"Hey, Shikamaru?" asked Ino uncertainly as they leaped from roof to roof in search of their targets. "Why are we looking for these two again?"

"They're going to use Henge and pretend to be us," replied Shikamaru. "AHA! Target spotted! Over there, Ino!"

"Right!" smiled Ino, leaping down. "Oh Yamato-sensei! Sai!!"

Yamato and Sai looked up. I know, it doesn't make much sense that they're walking around together, since Sai just pretty much disappeared after the Infiliration of Orochimaru's Lair arc and Yamato just STUCK AROUND even though I'd much rather it be the other way around, you know?

"We need some of your help!" smiled Ino.

"Oh, hello Ino. Shikamaru," Yamato said.

_Um... I remember reading something about a situation like this in one of my books..._ thought Sai, straining to remember. _Oh right, when someone asks you for a favour you go... Sure, how can I help you -insert their (nick)name here- ... so..._

"Sure, how can I help you, gorgeous?" asked Sai, checking to see that Sakura wasn't around to pummel him for calling Ino 'gorgeous' again.

Ino looked VERY flattered.

"Anyway, we need you to... "

* * *

**WITH HINATA AND KIBA**

"Oh, sure. Of-course we'll help you!" smiled Izumo. "Just you will NOT tell it was us, okay?"

"Of-course not! What kind of dumbass in elementary school do you THINK I am?" demanded Kiba.

"Oh, I dunno. You can be kind of stupid sometimes," replied Kotetsu from under the pile of books he was bringing to Tsunade. "But we'll help you, no problem. We've just got to take half a day off, that's all."

"That's g-great, Izumo-san! Kotetsu-san! Do you think you-you can make it... um... say tomorrow afternoon?" asked Hinata.

"Perfect," chimed Izumo and Kotetsu.

* * *

**WITH NEJI AND TENTEN**

"Yeah, so I use a henge to pretend to be you tomorrow afternoon and meet you at the Hyuuga mansion's door?" asked Anko again.

"YES!" replied Tenten exasperatedly.

"Well... alright!" Anko smiled, and then she pranced away. Just like that.

"Er... so... that leaves Ibiki-san?" said Tenten tentatively, turning to face a grimacing Neji.

"Oh joy," he muttered darkly.

* * *

**WITH SASUKE AND SAKURA**

"Sasuke... I'm not sure I want to do this..." said Sakura, pouting and wanting Sasuke to notice her. Even though he never would. EVER.

"Then you don't damn do it and I'll get Temari to do it," replied Sasuke.

"Oh of-course not..."

"Well then keep your eye out for those two little squirts!"

"What were their names again?" asked Sakura.

"Moegi and Udon."

* * *

**WITH GAARA AND KANKUROU**

"You know... this is going to take a fucking ass long time," complained Kankurou.

"Look... we'll just go to Sand, grab Baki and one of my fangirls, and leave."

"... got any faster transport than by feet?"

* * *

**WITH SHINO AND NARUTO**

"Why am I stuck with bug-boy? I wanted to be with Sakura-chan... bug-boy's disgusting... all those bugs... this is outrageous dattebayo..."

"I heard that, Naruto."

"WELL I'M NOT SORRY THAT YOU DID!"

"... er... oh look there's Iruka and Konohamaru? Whom we are looking for?"

"OH YEAH!? WELL I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE!"

"... you can't SEE my face. I have an awesome jacket and sunglasses and this uber cool hood."

"Oh... right..."

* * *

**WITH CHOUJI AND LEE**

"... and so, THAT'S why we need your help with this!" finished Lee. "Will you be so youthful as to help your charges?!"

"Lee... we're not their charges..." Chouji reminded him.

"Why should the world care? We SHOULD be their charges!" declared Lee. "Anyway, I am done practicing my very emotional and INSPIRATIONAL speech! Let's go!!" Then he looked over his shoulder. "Oh, look, there's Aoba and Raido RIGHT THERE! Let's go ask them!"

Chouji groaned and raced after Lee, hoping that he wasn't about to repeat the speech he had just made word for word. It was damn corny.

Lee did.

Aoba and Raido looked at Chouji with the sympathetic 'it's-okay-since-we-get-this-youthful-crap-from-Gai-a-lot-too' look. And of-course there's a look like that. You didn't know!? Tsk, tsk! You must come out from under that rock you're living under...

* * *

**WITH THE INSANE MAGIC-USERS THAT WE ALL LOVE**

"...why am I getting the feeling that we're going to get screwed tomorrow afternoon?" asked Ron randomly in the middle of a heated game of Exploding Snap. Gotta love that game.

"I'm getting that feeling too," replied everyone in unison.

"..."

"Ok, we're getting screwed."

* * *

**(1) Yamato and Sai**

Read the manga. And I haven't read ALL of it so I might be wrong, but Sai DOES seem to disappear sometime after finishing his picture of him and his bro...

Edit: Sai is back (Team 10 ASUMA DIES arc)!! Ish... he's going to disappear again soon. I just know it, damnit...


	8. He Didn't See it Coming: A Minor Setback

**I believe I have gotten a complaint!!! This is from an ANONYMOUS person named hgkjbkiugtyf, and I think they have a point.**

**They said that: **

_This story is very quickly nosediving. Everyone is extremelly out of character. I believe that you take your own personal opinion of the character and what you think they should be like and completely twist their personallity out of shape._

**WELL, I'm sorry that you had to read until Chapter 7 to figure that out, hgk... OKAY you know what? I'm just going to call you Lil' H, ok? So, as I was saying, I'm sincerely sorry, Lil' H, that you had to read until Chapter 7 to figure out the fact that this story is completely to MY will. It is indeed my own interpertation of the characters and my opinion of them... that I don't bother to hide. At all. Except for Hermione. I don't know what's making me make her into such a dim-witted troll, but... yeah.**

**Here, check out this list of people I like, and DON'T like, and the people I'm absolutely neutral with that will be in this first book, so see if any of it offends you in any way:**

**LIKE:**

**Kakashi  
Shikamaru  
Neji  
Shino  
Kiba  
Akamaru  
Luna  
Gaara  
Ino  
Sai  
Dumbledore  
Ginny**

**NEUTRAL:**

**Chouji  
Yamato (Tenzo)  
Izumo  
Kotetsu  
Anko  
Ibiki  
Hinata  
Naruto  
Lee  
Tenten  
Moegi  
Udon  
Konohamaru  
Kankurou  
Tsunade  
Random-Gaara-Fangirl  
Harry  
Ron  
Hermione  
Neville  
Aoba  
Raido**

**DISLIKE:**

**Sakura  
Sasuke  
Temari  
Iruka  
Baki**

**Yeah, so, if any of you are like Lil' H here, then... I'm afraid you won't like this story very much if I continue this way -BUT! You see, I'm not a bad person that is deaf to constructive criticism! So please, PM me on how you think I should continue this story. **

**Shall I ignore Lil' H and keep people OOC? Or should I take heed of Lil' H's warning and veer the characters back IC?**

**Thank you very much for bringing this up, Lil' H!! It's very much appreciated!**

**Now, MINNA-SAN!! Keep giving me constructive criticism! It'll help me write better and allow you to enjoy your reading experience! Arigatou gozaimasu! **

**And yeah... another anonymous reviewer sensed the Link and Luigi influence. But come on, guys... who doesn't love 'em?? I'm having a writing style crisis XDD Link and Luigi are taking over my miiiiind!!!**

**

* * *

**

"Now, where are those little twerps?" growled "Tenten" as she tapped her foot impatiently on the doorstep. 

"This is all your fault for making us come at noon, when they said AFTERnoon!" pouted "Naruto".

"You know what? Let's just release the henge already..." sighed "Shino".

"Kai!"

Three puffs of smoke later, Anko, Konohamaru, and Iruka stood in the place where "Tenten", "Naruto", and "Shino" once stood respectively, faces set in a grim expression.

"Alright, so we wait until they show up, right?" said Anko irritably.

"Yeah, I guess," sighed Iruka.

"Aw, man... this is going to be so BORING, Iruka-sensei!" complained Konohamaru, stomping his foot, even though he's like, what? 13 in this story?

Just then, "Neji" rounded the corner and walked towards them, consuming some dango-on-a-stick.

"ABOUT TIME!" screeched Anko, snatching "Neji's" dango from his hand and devouring the tasty treat. "We thought you would never show up! Geez..."

"Neji" just stood there blankly with his eye twitching. "You know, Anko, that was really unnecessary."

In a poof, where "Neji" once stood, was Ibiki.

"Oh, it's just you," Anko mumbled.

They waited around for a little more, with all of the Rookie9/Team Gai/Kankurou and Gaara showing up and then suddenly poofing away to reveal that they WEREN'T, in fact, the aforementioned people, but the various characters mentioned in the last chapter.

Then, half an hour later, the REAL Rookie9/Te... ok that's going to be kinda long to write, so... let's call them: r9tgk&g??

ANYWAY, r9tgk&g showed up to face a rather disgruntled crowd.

"Er, um... we sort of meant, you know... not 1:00...?" tried Chouji.

"Well, we're here," seethed Anko. "Deal with it. Now, what do you want us to do?"

"Alright, here's the plan..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know, Shikamaru... this is... not the greatest plan to get them away," remarked Neji as the r9tgk&k followed the group of various characters mentioned in the last chapter.

Shikamaru looked at Neji with a look that said: Trust me.

"Besides, it's not like, a masterplan or something," said Shikamaru. "The authoress isn't smart enough to think of anything really great since she's 12, so these aren't plans -they're PRANKS."

"Even the pepper spray?" asked Naruto, quirking an eyebrow.

"Well... no," admitted Shikamaru. "I was simply feeling particularly sadistic that day..."

Everyone replied with a collective "oh..."

"Er... umm... h-how far is-is it t-to the pla-place with the ma-magicans?" asked Hinata timidly.

"I'd say about 20 more minutes of them leaping around like tree frogs on crack," replied Kiba, as they were, in fact, hopping around like tree frogs on crack.

Except Kiba, who was on Akamaru along with Hinata and Shino, and were just chilling while Akamaru ran alongside the tree-leapers.

"Kiba... just... don't talk..." groaned Tenten.

Lee gasped dramatically. "How could you forbid others to say what their youthful hearts tell them to?"

"Lee... just... don't talk!" commanded Kankurou.

Gaara was just floating along on his sand cloud with an expression that said: ...whatever.

"Don't even try, Kankurou!" Sakura screeched back at Kankurou. "It's no use telling people who are 'youthing' to shut up!"

"What do you know, Forehead Girl!?" Ino said.

"Ino-pig!"

As a bitch fight broke out between the two girls, the random characters up front halted in front of a camp with two tents set up with an old boot in between.

The r9tgk&g (which stands for rookie9teamgaikankurou&gaara if you haven't figured it out by now) did a final leap and crouched in the trees, peering down at the camp. Ino and Sakura, however, were being totally stupid and continued bitch fighting on a frail little branch.

The random characters stepped up to one of the tents and yanked on the tent flaps, waving them to get the attention of the people within. After a while, when no one came out, they got extremely frustrated and "Neji" brushed apart the flaps to stomp inside the tent...

...only to be faced with a huge space that certainly was not possible to be inside the little tent.

"Show yourselves!" roared "Neji", slightly puzzled. Then "Neji" remembered that they had to be a little stoic-er. "I mean... come out."

Silence.

"I SAID COME OUT!"

"Tenten" poked her head in. "Ibi- I mean, NEJI! If you keep screaming like that, I'll rip your balls off!"

Up high in some branches, the real Tenten and Neji balked at the poor reenactment of their personalities.

"I would never need to correct myself!" growled Neji.

"I would never DREAM of ripping people's balls off!" wailed Tenten. Then, she thought for a moment. "Oh, wait, there was that time that I had a dream about walking into Neji in the shower and then stabbing a kunai into his regions."

Every boy present went stock still and their eyes bulged. Sakura and Ino continued bitch fighting, and Hinata went red and fell off the branch. Luckily, she fell on Akamaru, so no harm done.

While "Tenten" and "Neji" squabbled below, the rest stood like foolish children, until "Shikamaru" noticed the witches and warlocks behind them, gaping at them with their mouths hung open.

"Guys," said "Shikamaru". "Our hosts have arrived."

Everyone turned to face the magicians, coming out from the other tent.

"Oh, so it was the OTHER tent," scowled "Sakura".

Hermione recovered first.

"What are you here for?" she asked cautiously.

An extremely giddy and giggly "Gaara" stepped up, while fingering her... I mean, himself, in a most intimate and inappropriate region.

"We've changed our mind!" he replied. "We're coming!"

Harry Potter and co. were extremely relieved, although they did raise an eyebrow, but then ushered them all along to the old boot, gesturing for them to place a hand on it.

"I'm not touching that old boot," said "Kiba" at once.

"Me neither," said "Hinata" defiantly. "It's an old, trashy boot, and it'll get my fair skin sooty. And who knows what sort of germs it could have?"

"Gaara" balked as well, while squeezing their testies and moaning. "I'm not harming Gaara-sama's body with that filthy old thing!"

Up in the branches, the real Gaara put his face in his hands and cried on the inside.

"Kankurou's" eye twitched, and he swiped a finger experimentally across the boot. He shuddered. "This boot is layered with shit," he announced.

Everyone drew away from "Kankurou" and the finger he had used.

"Not LITERALLY," said "Kankurou" defensively.

Everyone turned to the magic-users. EVEN THEMSELVES! How silly!

"No poop," Neville assured them.

"So do we actually touch that?" asked "Lee" warily.

"Yeah," replied Ron.

The ninjas looked at each other and shrugged. It couldn't be all that bad. It was only a boot! God help them if NINJAS were afraid of a measly BOOT! Of course, if said boot contained an atomic bomb, then God help them get away at top speed, because then, they'd have all the reason in the world to run away from the boot.

"A finger will do," explained Harry. "Just make sure you're touching it."

"How about a strand of hair?" ventured "Ino".

"Err..." said Ginny. "Frankly, I've never tried that."

"No, it won't work," said Luna dreamily. "You have to be one with the boot. If not, you will be sucked off to XiaoXiao land, where you will become a stick figure..."

There was an awkward pause.

"RIGHT!" said "Chouji" loudly. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

Everyone nodded and placed a finger on the boot. It was horribly crowded.

"I think something cracked," whined "Naruto" from underneath them.

"Are you okay, boss?" sniffed "Sasuke's" voice from the side, slightly muffled.

The real Sasuke slapped his forehead. "Damn that Udon..."

"Alright, one... two... three... Portus!" said Hermione.

The boot began to jangle and glow blue, and the ninjas looked startled. They were even MORE startled when the frail branch Ino and Sakura were fighting on SNAPPED and they came tumbling down onto the boot!

And what's more, Temari came screaming and bawling out of nowhere and leaped onto the crowd because she was blind with tears and thought it was a hippie hug or something. She latched onto Ron's back and waved her arms wildly, and just as the portkey began to whirl them away, her flailing hand brushed the boot, and stuck there.

Before they could explain to the magicians that THIS WAS A PRANK! YOU GOT PRANKED! HA HA HA HA HA! TEMARI'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! HA HA HA!! -they were whisked off by the portkey -ALL of them... INCLUDING THE REAL INO AND SAKURA, AND WORST OF ALL, TEMARI!

Oh, no!

In the trees, Shikamaru blinked and stared at the place where the gathering had been.

"Well, this is a minor setback," he finally said.

* * *

**And... yeah. I'm actually 12... you're reading stuff written by a 12-year-old, lol!!! **

**I started writing on FFnet when I was eleven, so actually, the first 4-5 chapters were written by me at 11 years of age... I know. I'm awesome. No, actually, I'm not THAT great. **

**And I'm SERIOUS. I really am 12. Not like... I dunno... 14... I'M SORRY TO BE YOUNG. MUAHAHAHA!!!**


	9. Ninja Huddle! Bonding is Good

**Suigetsu: -Shows Naruto Hentai Magazine- "BONER!" -Shows him a Yaoi Magazine- "NO BONER! THE KID'S STRAIGHT! OKAY?! HE'S FUCKING STRAIGHT SO JUST GO TO A GAY BAR AND GET LAID WITH SOME FAT GUY NAMED POLLY!!! GAWD I HATE FAGGOTS!!!" **

**From _Off Set and Out of Character_, a fic by Novanator that I absolutely ADORE right now.**

**...don't worry. I'm still a Link and Luigi addict and am still greatly influenced by these heroic writers. I just wish they would continue writing for Naruto. Alas, they seem to have switched to Prince of Tennis. **

**While that is not bad, because I love Inui and Momo and I love how Link and Luigi potray them even more, I feel sort of sad cause I know there won't be much more Naruto...**

**Hey! I'm 13 now! You're reading stuff by a thirteen-year-old now! HUZZAH!**

**I'm sorry I didn't update in so long... you all thought I died or something, didn't you? xP**

**As my wonderful beta said: I'M MAKING A COMEBACK! XD**

**

* * *

**

Harry stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

Beside him, Ginny seemed to have recovered enough to speak.

"Why are there two of those two?" she said, pointing to the two Inos and two Sakuras.

One Ino, the one that hadn't fallen from the branch, aka The Fake One, aka Sai, got up, brushed herself off and flipped Ginny the bird.

"Hey! Don't flip my sister off!" cried Ron.

"And I would never do that!" screamed the other Ino, aka The Real One. "That's so unladylike!"

The Fake Ino shrugged and looked around. "Where the hell are we?"

The Real Ino winced at the foul language spewing from The Fake Ino's lips.

"We're at Hogwarts..." said Hermione slowly. "Er... shall we... show you around?"

"That would be nice," said 'Neji'. "But first, I would like to call a Ninja's Huddle in that corner over there. Would you mind just waiting around a bit?"

"Suit yourself," said Neville.

"NINJAS! HUDDLE IN THE CORNER!!" bellowed 'Neji', as though he hadn't just said that. The ninjas assembled in the aforementioned corner and huddled. "Okay, what do we do now?"

There was silence for a bit while everyone pondered the question. Finally, The Fake Sakura, aka Moegi, spoke up. "I say we improvise. Besides, Shikamaru-san did say that the point of this was to confuse these people right?"

"True," said 'Kiba'. "Which means that we can do whatever we want... so long as it confuses these morons!"

"What happens if they tattle on us again?" inquired The Real Sakura. "They did that last time with the pepper spray thing..."

"Yeah... what if they do that again!?" gasped 'Naruto'. "We'd be completely screwed over!"

"Well, let's screw them over and then blame any and everything on Shikamaru!" said 'Tenten'. "Okay?"

"OKAY!"

Then they all leapt up like Power Rangers and then did a group secret handshake that they... made up a while ago, I guess. Yes. All 17 of them.

"Wait, I don't get it still," said Temari. "I thought it was a hippie hug...?"

Everyone stared at Temari and then shook their heads.

"Just... run around screaming," suggested 'Shino'.

"What! So degrading!"

"Run around screaming... 'look at me, look at me'...?" suggested 'Shikamaru'.

"... Okay, whatever you say, Shikamaru-kun!"

And with that, Temari ran off, sure enough screaming "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"

Then, everyone just stood around awkwardly.

Suddenly, 'Gaara' moaned on the floor and everyone's head snapped over to look at him, writhing and twisting on the ground, his hands still in a most undesirable location.

"... I can't believe you just wrote that," scolded 'Kankurou' as he lifted his head to the heavens.

_I did and I'll do it again if you guys don't start doing something._

Everyone looked around for a bit.

"Who wants to do the handshake again?" inquired 'Hinata'.

They all shrugged and then did the handshake again. Then they leapt up in the air and cheered.

Oh, those crazy little things!  
-  
Back in Konoha, the real Gaara - you know, the one who wasn't masturbating - sneezed and shuddered at the same time.

"You all right, Gaara?" said Naruto, who was toasting some marshmallows over a fire. You see, they had all gotten bored and so had built a small campfire and were roasting marshmallows, singing camp songs, and bonding with one another.

"Yeah... I think I'll move a little closer to the fire..."

Everyone started singing -INSERT YOUR FAVOURITE CAMP SONG HERE- when Kiba  
suddenly spoke up.

"Guys... I feel like doing a secret group handshake," he declared.

Everyone looked at one another, a trifle skeptically.

"Why not?" said Sasuke, shrugging. Yes. SASUKE. I told you they were bonding!

Everyone nodded and then huddled close to the fire and began making up a handshake. When they were finished, they all did the handshake, lied back, and returned to the roasting of the marshmallows.

"Perhaps this minor setback was not such a bad thing after all..." said Shikamaru sleepily. Of course, he wasn't roasting his marshmallows. Shikamaru's too lazy for that. No, dear ol' Shika was just having a nap. He gave his marshmallows to Chouji.

"How is this a minor setback though?" said Lee. "Everyone's gone and we have no idea what to do now!"

"Well, originally, my plan was to have the fake r9tgk&g go in our place and have it over with. But it's okay that Ino, Sakura, and Temari are gone too. Now we don't have them shouting in our ears. All is well."

"Besides, they're loud. If they were here, I'd doubt we have this nice little bonding session," noted Tenten, reaching over to Shino, who she was sitting beside, and patting him on the back.

At these touching words, everyone turned away from Tenten and began crying. And everyone who wasn't Shino was a trifle jealous because he got a pat on the back. And Shino was in heaven.

Okay, no... he wasn't. But he was close.

All this left Tenten feeling very confused indeed.

* * *

**LOL! I'm back, guys! Did ja miss me? Did ja? Did ja?**


	10. 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY FILLER SINGING!

**1-5-06 til ****1-5-08**

**That's right.**

**2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY FOR THIS FIC!!**

**Wow. I'm amazed that you actually stuck with me. I promise I won't be such a slow updater, okay? **

**Disclaimer: In addition to not owning Naruto and Harry Potter, I also do not own RENT.**

"For some reason, it feels as if there has been a long time between now, and when we first came here by portkey," Harry noted to the other witches and wizards while the ninjas where doing their thing.

Ginny nodded. "It feels like a year..."

"And it feels even longer from when we first got to Konoha!" said Ron. "I feel like time just passed us by really really quickly."

"It feels like two years..." remarked Hermione. "Two years _exactly_. As of today. You know what I mean?"

Neville smiled. "Yup. It's funny, isn't it, Luna? ... Luna?"

"Well, of course it feels like two years. It _has_ been two years..." said Luna matter-of-factly.

Everyone was quiet for a minute.

"What do you mean?" asked Hermione finally.

"Well, you see... I have this ability. It's called iCanus Readus the Authoressus Mind... us," explained Luna. "It _has_ been two years since we started this fic, see. So that's why you guys feel like it's been such a long time."

"Ohh..." said Ginny. "I get it now. So we're in a story?"

"We've always been in a story."

They all looked at one another. Everyone was thinking about the pepper spray incident.

"Well, shit. This is one messed up story," said Ron.

* * *

The ninjas has more or less dispersed after the handshake, and most ninjas were making their way back to the magic folks. 'Tenten', 'Kiba', and 'Hinata', however, were in a little huddle of their own.

"So what song do we sing to celebrate the second-year anniversary?" asked 'Tenten' excitedly.

"Remember, we have to do something EXTRA GOOD because we missed LAST YEAR'S anniversary!" 'Hinata' reminded them.

"Right, so... hm... let's think..." said 'Kiba'. "What could we... oooh oooh! I've got it! Let's sing a song from RENT!"

The others pondered this for a moment. "That sounds good!" whispered 'Tenten'.

"What song should we sing?" asked 'Hinata'.

"Izumo, what's 525,600 times 2?" asked 'Kiba'.

"Why are we speaking in a specific order?" asked 'Tenten' randomly.

"We are?" asked 'Hinata'.

"Goodness, you didn't notice Izumo?" asked 'Kiba'.

"I should think not... right, Izumo?" said 'Tenten'.

"No, I didn't notice... and 525,600 times 2 is 1,051,200, Kotetsu," replied 'Hinata'.

"1,051,200 minutes..." sang 'Kiba' experimentally. "1,051,000 moments so dear... 1,051,200 minutes... how do you measure, measure two years?"

"It works!" cried 'Tenten' happily. "It works! I didn't expect it to, and it's a little weird, but it works! I'll do the female solo, and Kotetsu, you can do the male solo!"

"Hey!" called 'Neji' from the other side of the corridor in which they had appeared. "What's keeping you all?"

'Tenten', 'Kiba', and 'Hinata' all grinned.

"Everyone!" cried 'Hinata'. "Everyone! Gather 'round! Gather 'round!"

The many people grumbled and trekked all the way back.

"This had better be good," warned 'Kankurou'.

'Kiba' tapped his foot, giving the tempo, and suddenly, chords sounded out of no where.

"OMG IT'S SEASONS OF LOVE!" squealed Hermione.

"Seasons of what?" asked Harry.

"SEASONS OF LOVE!" replied Ginny, who was an enthusiastic RENThead as well.

"OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS SONG!" cried everyone else besides Harry, who was an oblivious little boy.

'Tenten', 'Kiba', and 'Hinata' began singing.

"_1,051,200 minutes.  
1,051,000 moments so dear...  
1,051,200 minutes!  
How do you measure,  
Measure two years?_

_In daylight?  
In sunsets?  
In midnights?  
In cups of coffee?  
In inches - in miles  
In laughter - In strife?_

_In,  
1,051,200 minutes?  
How,  
Do you measure,  
Two years of a fic?_

At this point, there was a complete black out while the three kept singing and other voices joined in. After this black out, there is an empty stage. Everyone (the fake r9tgk&g in their real bodies, the real r9tgk&g, the wizards, and the witches) files onto the stage while singing.

_How about  
Looooove?  
How about  
Looooove?  
How about  
Looooove?  
Measure in love..._

_Seasons of (love) love...  
Seasons of (love) love..._

Anko stepped up to do her solo, but was instead pushed aside by Hermione and Ginny, who proceeded to exchange lines, Hermione taking the first line, which made Anko very pissed indeed.

_1,051,200 minutes!  
1,051,000 journeys to plan...  
1,051,200 minutes!  
How do you measure  
The life of a woman-  
Or a man?_

Kotetsu chuckled at Anko's expense and sauntered up to do his solo. However, Shino got there before him.

_In truths that she learned?  
Or in times that he cried?  
In bridges he burned?  
Or the way that she dieeeed!?_

Everyone laughed a bit at the dejected look on Kotetsu's face before applauding Shino and overlapping his last note and started clapping, jamming to the beat (Shikamaru did a very good impression of Anthony Rapp's spazzy dancing, which resulted in Naruto and Kiba tumbling off stage in laughter. Sasuke and Sakura had to help them back up.), and singing.

_It's time now,  
To sing out,  
Though the story never ends!  
Let's celebrate,  
Remember a year,  
In the life of friends!_

_Remember the  
Loooooooove!  
Remember the  
Loooooooove!  
Remember the  
Loooooooove!_

This time, Anko was determined to her solo. No little witches getting in her way! She got right up there and sang her heart out! While the others sang the background "remember the looooove"s, she started belting at the top of her lungs! That girl's got some lungs!

_Ooooooh,  
You've got to,  
You've got to  
Remember the looove!  
You know that love is a gift  
From up above!_

_Share love,  
Give love,  
Spre-e-e-ead love..._

_Measure,  
Measure you life in  
LoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooove!!_

The others stopped clapping and jamming and went back to just singing again as Anko struck the high note.

_Seasons of (love) love...  
Seasons of (love) love..._

_Measure in looooooove..._

Anko smiled, satisfied that she had finally gotten her solo, and was prepared to sing the last bit over the extended 'love' when suddenly, she was shoved aside by ... Sai!!

_Measure your life,  
Measure your life,  
In love..._

Dumbledore cut everyone off at the end with a wave of his wand, making fireworks appear and erupt overhead so that all the pretty colours of the rainbow (and then some) showered down on ninjas and magicans alike.

For a moment, the two forces were united,  
Nevermind that the magicans the ninjas had smited.  
Just for bit,  
The two sides weren't split.  
For just that second,  
_They were friends_ Dumbledore reckoned.

And now I give you this happy ending,  
Of the two enemies blending.  
Peace between the two,  
And some hugging and well wishing too.  
It just goes to show  
How different people can all the bros.

And as God smiled down at them from above,  
Everyone was indeed transformed by love.

* * *

**Thx for sticking with me for TWO WHOLE YEARS, guys!**

**Reviews would be love... and the main theme of this chapter was love! Come on guys, share love! Give love! SPRE-E-E-EAD LOVE!! XD **

**And I know... I suck at rhyming ... :P**


	11. Well, shit! There goes that!

**I always label the "We Are Soooooo Not Going!" documents 'WASNG' (acroynm of fic title). As you probably know, I haven't updated in a _loooooong_ time. So I haven't been labeling documents WASNG for quite a long time too.**

**I dunno why... but for some reason, as I was uploading this chapter and labeling it WASNG like I always did, a wave of nostalgia overcame me and I just sat there for a few moments, the cursor hovering over the little purple button you press to upload docs. **

**I don't even remember what it says... I'll check later.**

**Anyway, I just want to take the time to tell everyone that's still reading this "THANK YOU SO MUCH!". You know, just for sticking with me.**

**Oh, and I rewrote the first chapter. I reread it just now, and I was like, "Shit, this is really bad..." I'll re-upload the original version when I finish this story. Just so, you know, you guys have a before and after thing.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: A reviewer complained that the last chapter was shit. It was filler, guys. Chill. You could just skip it. I'll change the chapter name now... just so ppl know it's filler...**

**AND ALSO to lil... sorry but I'm not going to use a beta reader at all anymore. I mean, you were great. An amazing supporter and all-around loyal reader, but judging by how much I procrastinate and am just down-right lazy, it might be better if I just churn out these chapters as soon as I write them so I don't keep putting it off. Thanks so much for everything you've done. I've really enjoyed working with you and I appreciate all the time that you've spent editing my mind-hurting crap. But now, I say auf weidershen and hope that you'll forgive me :D**

**

* * *

**"All right, now we go back to hating you assholes!" said Naruto happily. "And you guys should forget that the fake r9tgk&g is indeed, well... FAKE!"

"Agreed!" said Harry. They shook hands. "See you, mate."

And so, everyone promptly split themselves into the two groups again. The magicans exited stage left. The fake r9tgk&g henged back into their henge forms and walked off stage right. The authentic r9tgk&g were left on stage, not entirely sure what to do.

"Well, we can't exactly exit from the sides now that the sides have been taken," noted Sakura. Yes, Sakura and Ino are back with the r9tgk&g.

"I know, let's exit UPstage!" suggested Kiba.

"And run into people having backstage sex?" said Sasuke, shivering at the thought. "I don't think so."

Neji raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think that people are having sex backstage?" he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Gaara's not here," stated Sasuke matter-of-factly.

"...and...?" said Lee.

"I saw his fangirl gag him and bind him in ropes and drag him off stage while no one else was looking," explained Sasuke.

"Excuse me, that's not true," Shino piped up. "I noticed too."

"It doesn't matter who noticed it or not," declared Shikamaru, who probably just didn't want to admit that he hadn't been paying too much attention to Gaara. "The point is, Gaara's bound and gagged by a fangirl."

...silence ensues...

"MY LITTLE BRO IS GETTING RAPED!" shrieked Temari and Kankurou simutaneously.

The two ran off to rescue Gaara.

"Well, while they do that... let's figure out which way to get off this stage," said Ino.

"Let's just jump off the stage and into the audience," shrugged Tenten.

And so they all ran downstage and leapt off the stage.

"OH DEAR LORD WE LOOKED LIKE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!" cried a voice as they realized that, while leaping off the stage, they had indeed looked like the knaves in High School Musical.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" shouted everyone else. "High School Musical SUCKS!! Ahhhhh!!"

"Wait... I think it's okay!" came Tenten's voice.

...silence...

"You like Zac Efron, don't you?" scoffed Neji.

Tenten hung her head in complete and utter shame, but alas, the audience part of this theatre was dark and so no one could see her. Oh Tenten!

The stage lights dim, and we now return to Hogwarts...

"And that is Hogwarts for you all!" said Hermione as they finished off a lightning-fast tour of Hogwarts. "We hope you'll enjoy your stay here!"

At that moment, Professor Dumbledore turned the corner and spotted the group. He paused. "Why, hello there," he said finally, looking pleasantly surprised. There was a twinkle in his eye that 'Neji' didn't like all too much, though. "Changed our mind, now, have we? Good, good... well, we musn't tarry, over this way, please."

The ninjas all exchanged glances, shrugged, and followed the magicans, who had already began following Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore... where are we going?" asked Harry.

"Why, my office, of-course," replied Dumbledore.

"Why -oh!" gasped Hermione. "The sorting!"

Dumbledore nodded, stopping in front of a gargoyle. "Pepperoni Pop Tarts," he said to the gargoyle.

The gargoyle, to shrieks from the ninja women and surprised yells from the ninja men (and a little girly squeak from a few of the men), leapt aside, revealing the staircase behind it.

Dumbledore chuckled. "No need to be scared, right this way."

They arrived in Dumbledore's office a few moments later. The aged wizard immediately went to an old, battered hat and brought it over to the ninjas. "Now, if each one of you would kindly step up and try this hat on seperately, it will sort you into the four houses in this school. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin."

The ninjas stared, then 'Naruto' stepped up and jammed the hat on his head.

The hat was silent for a little, then cried out "GRYFFINDOR!"

'Naruto' put down the hat and looked expectantly at Dumbledore. "Now what do I do?"

"Now, you take this patch and sew it onto your robes, to show that you are a Gryffindor," relpied Dumbledore, presenting 'Naruto' with a red and gold patch that had a 'G' and a lion on it. "The best of luck to you, Mr. Uzumaki... you are Mr. Uzumaki, are you not? Yes, well, the Gryffindors are known for their bravery. Bravo, child."

"Err... thanks..." said 'Naruto' awkwardly. He took the patch, turning to face 'Shino' with a confused look. They had no idea what this was, nor what these robes Dumbledore spoke off were.

"Who would like to go next?" asked Dumbledore, looking at the crowd of ninjas, who all looked a bit uncomfortable. "Mr. Kazekage? How about you?"

'Gaara' eyed the hat. "I don't want to... Gaara-sama would be mad." No, she's not raping the real Gaara anymore. It's okay.

"Oh? But are you not Gaara?"

The other ninjas all cursed Gaara's annoying, masturbating fangirl in their heads. Why hadn't they made a MAN from the village come instead?

They all paused.

What if Gaara were impersonated by a fanBOY?

They all blushed and quickly tried to look natural.

"I... I am," 'Gaara' said quickly. "It's just... Gaara-sama, that is to say, me... I like speaking in third person. That's all."

"Oh? Really?" murmured Dumbledore, fixing Gaara's fangirl with an intense gaze. "Before you sort, Tsunade tells me of a most extraordinary ability. The ability, I believe, to control sand?"

"I... er, that is... yes. Yes, Gaara-sama can control sand."

"Wonderful! Would you mind demonstrating that ability for me? Just a little, you know, before you sort?"

'Neji' narrowed his eyes, exchanging meaningful glances with everyone else. Yes, Dumbledore knew they were frauds, all right.

'Gaara' paused, stumped. "Um... allow me to consult my friends-."

"You will consult no one," said Dumbledore. He did not raise his voice, but his tone was so cold that 'Sakura' shivered and moved closer to 'Naruto'. "Ms. Haruno!"

"Yes?" said 'Sakura', alarmed to be called on.

"I've heard that you have a large crush on Mr. Uchiha, is that true?"

"Yes, I do," replied 'Sakura'. "I always have. I love him very much. I broke up my friendship with Ino-pig because she was stealing him from me-."

"STEALING?" roared 'Ino'. Sai was playing the part of the enraged female very well. "Why you...! Sasuke-kun is _mine_, Forehead-Girl!!"

"Ino-pig!"

"Forehead-!"

"Enough," said Dumbledore, coldly yet again. He locked eyes with 'Sakura'. "If you care so much about Mr. Uchiha, why is it that you are clutching Mr. Uzumaki's arm?"

'Sakura' blanched and looked down and saw that she was, in fact, holding the aforementioned boy's arm.

"Well, shit. That's that plan busted!" said 'Tenten', poofing back into Anko.

Dumbledore smiled sadly, watching the rest of them transform back.

'Naruto' turned back into Konohamaru and handed his Gryffindor patch back to Dumbledore.

'Sakura' released her hold on Konohamaru and turned back into Moegi.

'Sasuke' returned to sniffing loudly as Udon.

'Kiba' turned back into Kotetsu.

'Hinata' turned back into Izumo.

'Shino' turned back into Iruka.

Gaara's fangirl reluctantly revealed herself.

The rest, Sai as 'Ino', Yamato as 'Shikamaru', Aoba as 'Chouji', Ibiki as 'Neji', Raido as 'Lee', and Baki as 'Kankurou' all held their hands up in a handseal and poofed away, leaving nothing but smoke.

"Stupid. Now Tsunade knows who to punish!" hissed Aoba before poofing away.

_Damn_, thought the other ninjas. Then, while the smoke was still clearing, they poofed away back to Konoha too.

"How did they apparate?" cried Ginny once the magicans had stopped coughing from the smoke and found the ninjas nowhere to be seen.

Dumbledore peered disappointedly at the space that the ninjas had recently vacated. "Their techniques are different from ours, I assume. I would not think this is Apparation. It is probably something more like house-elf magic."

"What do we do now, Professor Dumbledore, sir?" asked Neville tentatively.

Dumbledore sighed. "You six have done a lot already. I think it is time for you to sit back a bit. Let us see how the situation progresses. Only time will tell. Who knows?" he said in an all-together more light-hearted tone. "Perhaps these fakes will tell them all about Hogwarts, and it would appeal to the real crew. But for now, we wait."

Dumbledore gazed around at all six of his little helpers and smiled. "Well, come along. We wouldn't want to miss dinner, now would we?"

Everyone gasped. "OH NOES!! OF COURSE NOT!" And so they ran off.

Dumbledore chuckled.


End file.
